Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Tomorrow is Levi's first birthday. We had plans. We were going to celebrate and make his day special.

But yesterday he woke up with a fever and the doctor confirmed he had an ear infection. Last night he barely slept. Today he is exhausted and his body is working so hard to heal itself. I doubt he will be up for any adventure tomorrow.

I hate seeing my baby in pain. I hate that there is nothing I can do to take his pain away. I can hold him and love him, but he still hurts. He looks to us as if to ask why we are letting him hurt. As if he thinks we have the power to stop it and are letting him be in pain.

And the timing seems like it couldn't be worse. Not only is his birthday tomorrow and family will be arriving soon to visit- but there is a major recall on most infant medicine.

So today, when I would much rather be focused on his birthday and celebrating his life, I am struggling to make sure he is pain free and comfortable.

I know at the end of the day, I am overreacting. It is a simple ear infection. He will be fine. He is healthy and strong. I am fortunate that this is the exception to his health and not the norm. And I am grateful that Tony and I are able to love on him and cuddle with him as long as he needs it.

Levi doesn't care what day we celebrate his birthday- in fact I'm sure he will be perfectly happy to have a quiet day with his parents. I just want him to have the best. To know how loved he is. He deserves nothing less than pure joy and happiness.

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